I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
