dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
