I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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