Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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