Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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