Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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