Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
