Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
