ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
