my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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