Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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