Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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