I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
