Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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