If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
