nut hugger
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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