My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's shark week go big or go home
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
