Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
