Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
