I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
