I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
