i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
