Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
