dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
