Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
