Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
