my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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