so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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