I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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