Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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