accomplished twins. life is a go
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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