my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
