It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
