Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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