i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
