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when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
