...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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