We're facebook friends in real life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
