We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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