if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
