I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
