I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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