I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
