idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
