you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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