stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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