thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
