I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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