K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
