She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
